What's the deal with little Debbie?
I mean come-on … bitch has been here since my grandpa was young…
She's been here for like… fuckin ever...
And she's still little?
What the flying fuck?
Is it like that Gerry Colman shit? Cause… he looks like shit anyway
He made all that money, and now he is a security guard?
Seriously?
It's like what happened the MC hammer....fuckin dumb ass Hahaha
I wouldn't be scared of Gerry Colman... in fact I'd just kick him in the neck… be all like
FUCK YOU IN THE NECK… MOTHERFUCKER.
Ya never hear about all that many child stars…
Unless… ya know… it's like some kinda hott white jail bate…
Like…
Ehh…
That guy from the 90s… the one with the faggy hart song…
His daughter is like 14… or some shit… and…
I would so go to jail for that… seriously…
Like no joke…
And what is it with chicks and knowing they're hott, but then when you compliment or something, they get all pissy like 'omg… why did you just say that?'
And im like...
"what… since when is it wrong to say I want to cover you in baby oil and butter and make an odd polish sausage dish?"
When the hell did that become NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT?
I can't have my cultural differences? Granted im nether polish....nor a pedo…
And what's the big deal with binge drinking?
I mean... they drink till they can't feel feelings…
Because they don't like their feelings… since when is self destruction a crime?
And I'll tell ya… a wise man once wore a shirt…
Yeah…
And that shirt?
It so totally said "an awkward morning… beats a boring night" BAHAH
And it's so true…
"Uh… hi… I don't know you… but apparently we slept together… and… just for the record, I was totally amazing, and you will recommend me to all of your attractive female friends… now get the fuck out of my bed"
Umm umm… shit… who names those crème filled sugary delights…
Such as Twinkie?
Seriously… I thought Twinkie was some kinda of porn move involving a rolled up newspaper and a yard of bubble tape… Ya remember that shit?
And big league chew… seriously… Zebra Gum… though, to be honest
I never liked any of the zebra gum… it kinda tasted like Richard Gears career for the past 10 years…
Yeah… shit…
But hostess… look at the names
Ho hos…
Ding dongs…
Susie Q's..
Twinkie…
Moon pie…
Susie Q was a Ho Ho, she Twinkie My Ding Dong, and I left her with a big cream filled moon pie…
Anyone been to popeyes chicken lately?
I have....AHAHHAHAHAH BITCHES…
I found one of the few popeyies chicken that ISNT in the ghetto…
Ok so I lied… it is…
But I've got this weird hall pass or some shit
Like, ya know how there is always a house in a neighborhood that nobody fucks with? Yeah that's my house… because me and my room mate will yell scream and cuss at the top of our lungs, while in the front yard at midnight…
Fuckin grass needs to know when we are pissed off it should stop growing… bitch grass, no wonder …
Fucking hood…
Yeah, I live in the Springfield
This oddly enough is the soon to be released Little Debbie treat… Biznatch…
I'm a firm believer that the Mormons and telemarketers are in cahoots…
The teles come in the night… like ninja... only with loud trumpeting phones and weird questions and taunts about long-distance providers and sexual orientation...
Or am I the only one that keeps getting the Indian bastards that seem to have learned their English from homo-erotic films and bad Middle Eastern boy George covers?
And ring tones…
If you have a dumb ring tone… and you're in a public place…
You should be slapped, by every single person there...
And if you're phone goes off in a movie and you have something about Jesus or country music blasting up...
You might as well go kill yourself now… before I hunt you down and bludgeon you with a lead filled sock puppet named "prison pal Pete"
Pete doesn't like shit he don't understand.
This brings me to my next point…
Don't smoke crack…
No… seriously… doesn't fuckin do it…
Forget nice! Don't! Just say … macabre…
Back on track… Who do you think thought up the sock full of nickels thing? That's pretty fucking ingenious… I mean... soap and sock yeah… but nickels? That's… that's different...
That's using money in a whole new way… and I like it
Who names all these fuckin roads too…? I mean… if you got any city with a black man... there is a Martin Luther King Jr. Road… and trust me motherfucker… you DON'T EVER want to be there… you'll get more bullets in your ass and have more holes than the ass hole day parade…
And yes…
They have an asshole day parade…
It's in New Jersey
I think…
Something to off set the smell….
This reminds me of old tube socks… dirty locker rooms, prostitutes and failure at life…
Now then… truckers… who do they think they are?
I think they're over compensating…
I mean... 18 wheels…
Flannel…
Overweight…
And wearing something underneath that reminds me of that odd movie with that one guy…
Rocky Horror Picture show…
Fuck…
Sometimes in life…
You just have to take a moment…
Look around the preschool, nunnery, Wal-Mart… or church… look at the sky… give it the finger… and shout
Fuck you evil day ball! And stare at the sun till everyone around freaks out enough… because you're wearing goggles, a snorkel, and have 6lbs of spaghetti stuffed into your overcoat…
Which reminds me…
Yo baby… You ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?
Shit yeah…
Man… that nun was pissed…
Annnnyway…..
What is it with names for kids these days…?
Someone recently said they wanted to name their kid Mastodon…
I hope he has Down syndrome… and a really really big nose…
Now… Trajen... now that's a name…
TRANJEN MAN!
He doesn't need condoms! He is one!
Piney creek… odd place… odder people… some smell like New Jersey
And you already know how I feel about NJ…
Ya wanna know a cool animal?
An otter…
Floating down the river, with a rock on his chest…
And if I had an otter, I'd name him Kyle Mankowitze Ruler of the Moon.
And nick name him bawls.
Which brings me to my next point…
Otter pops…
That shit aint been around since I don't know when…
Fuck…
Yeah….
That's right… I fucking brought that shit up…
Otter pops…
Bitches…
Why in every teen movie is there a wise janitor … fuck… I can't spell janitor…
Oh well…
Fuck it…
Why and why does he give sage like advice… and the kids take it… and it somehow makes their lives, and the people around them have better lives…
I mean... if he is going around cleaning up shit and puke and god knows what else all day…
The only advice I would take from him is… what NOT to do with a career in medial science…
I mean come on Dr. McPlungerRaiderOveralls… living in a box cleaning up shit… just don't seem like the way to spend your life…
Unless you're Mexican…
Sure the zambonie buffer looks fun as all hell... and I'd so bang a chick in the boiler room…
But fuck… if he is so wise, and sage like… why is he cleaning up after those little bastards and not writing a self help book to… well… help those little bastards and make about 20,000,000$
My foot is numb…
CAKED FLAVORED ICECREAM AND ICECREAM CAKE…
What the fuck is the fuckin difference...
Clearly one is not cake
And the other sure as fuck isn't ice-cream…
Why do they lie to us?
What makes them so special that they can pretend to be something that they are not…
Somebody should just tell them its ook to be ice cream… or cake…
Like the wise janitor…
Where was he when the fucking genius marketing team of Bennie the super dog came up with those bright ass ideas…?
And is it just me or does anyone else ever put the hyphen in the wrong place…
Someone will say 'look at that sweet-ass car…'
Only… I hear… "Look at that sweet, Ass-car" and then I'm looking for something that looks like a bum…
I dunno… it's a confusing day. my foot is still numb
And damn it my back legs shoulder and butt hurt…
Stupid small ass crampt truck…
I'm a fuck its gas tank up… with drain-o bitches… hells yeah…
Now my car… is slow
I plan to rub cheetah blood on the engine…
That'll get her going
The burn means its working…
Unless it burns when you pee…
Then it just means you fucked up and she was dirty…
Even if she was hott and did that wild thing with her tongue…
Hahaha
Poor mike…
I want a motor cycle…
I road a woman like a bull once… it was the best 8 seconds of her life…
Though she did try to stab me afterwards…
Which made me think a lot of that one movie…
Urban cowboy…
Why John Travolta… Why?
I'll tell ya why… because playing Redneck, is a lot cooler than Being redneck…
I like a girl with caked on makeup,
In the sunshine, smoking cigarettes to pass the time away…
What's with the old people with no hair wearing night caps…
Or night caps in general…
I mean… I've seen some old peoples hair… that is safer than standard Nascar racing helmets…
And there is a fuckin pointless exercise of the human existence…
Nascar…
I refuse to watch that shit… I cant fucking stand that shit…
"It's a sport!?" FUCK THAT… if that's a sport, then so is my 2 hour commute from Springfield
He sits in a fucking car… and drives…
"you couldn't do it!" fuck that.. give me a car that goes that fast and I'll fuckin drive in circles… shit yeah… that's hard… left turn… left turn… left turn.. left turn… wait.. pit stop for gas, beer and chew…OH … and trucker hats…
Left turn… left turn… left turn… oh fuck this shit… right turn…
Shit… hit a wall and killed Dale Earnhart… whatever one is left….
My dog smells like doritos… and I am confused…
And my feet are still numb…
Left turn…
Bahahaha
Insert blaspheming comment…
I'm the new jesus…
Dying for sins?
He didn't die for mine… I'll make other people die for my sins…
Or maybe my sins are the other people dying…
I wanna see a knife fight in an orphanage…
Not even the orphans… like… the nuns or something
Or who ever it is watching the kids…
Killing each other cause the SUPER smelly kid just shit his pants… and nobody can even think about helping him
Hott sex…
Man… that'd be nice…
Haven't had that in a while haha…
But CJ… why an orphanage knife fight?
Why not…
Now… show me your boobs…
ONE MORE TIME!
What was that song about…
What are they celebrating about?
Oh you all know the song
Daft punk…
Great song…
"ONE MORE TIME…
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
OHH YEAH
ALL RIGHT
DON'T STOP THE DANCING
ONE MORE TIME
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
OHH YEAH
ALL RIGHT
DON'T STOP THE DANCING
ONE MORE TIME…
OHH YEAH…
ONE MORE TIME"
Insert catchy disco background techno beat and you've got a hit…
Hell… re-mix it again and ya got 2…
Maybe even 2.5
Mmmmmmmmm
YA KNOW IM JUST FEELING
CELEBRATION… TONIGHT
CELBRATE
DON'T WAIT TOO LATE
MMMMMMMMMMM
Another one…
WE DON’T STOP AHHH
YOU CANT STOP AHH
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
ONE MORE TIME…
ONE MORE TIME!
ONE MORE TIME…
A celebration
You know we're gonna do it right ahh
Tonight ahh
This feeling…
This music's got me feeling a beat
The beat
Yeahh..
Come on
All right…
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
CELEBRATE AND DANCE FOR FREE
MUSICS GOT ME FEELIN SO FREE
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
CELEBRATE AND DANCE FOR FREE
MUSICS GOT ME FEELINS SO FREE
CELEBRATE AND DANCE FOR FREE
MUSICS GOT ME FEELIN SO FREE
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
ALL RIGHT
OHH YEAH…
ONE MORE TIME
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
OHH YEAH
ALL RIGHT
DON'T STOP THE DANCING.
That's like…
A song for the ages…
They're from Paris
Daft punk…
Hells yeah…
On a side note… if you dance while driving,
And blare techno music
People will look at you funny
Sure… I swerved a bit…
But that's just all apart of the groove..
This has been the end all beat all blog of doom…
I mean.. I don't know exactly how long I've been doin this…
But…
1.75 hours…
Yeah… almost two hours of blog doom-age…
Its… pretty much amazing
I should get like…
A congressional medal of honor…
And it should mean free beer for life…
And I mean come on… if you get a medal of honor… that's basically like a big neon sign that says 'hey… blow me!!" to hott women..
Or at least that's what I hear…
Ya know... out on the street
H-town fool
You know how we do.
We haven't had that sprit here since 1969…
OPEN THE DOOR YOU FUCKIN WHORE… IT'S GOD DAMN BARNICAL BILL…
Odd night... oh god that was an odd night…
I'mma star drumming soon… and melt peoples face off with double bass from hell.
Hospital…
Next right
LEFT TURN…
Hahahahahah
Tricked your ass… It'd be funny if a NASCAR driver didn't have a driving license… that'd be the kind of things that real dreams are made of…
So… a waitress called me honey butter once… it was odd… but I enjoyed it… and my dog is sitting on my feet…
And she still smells like Doritos… ohm wells..
That's enough for now… I'm tired..
And I'm sure most of you are already done reading it… Hahaha
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